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What may have been... by ~Jupit3r:iconJupit3r:



Come and rise dear brother of mine
Advance to the fore, and see the sign

Wake up from your shallow grave
Open your eyes and witness the knave

Their reign has dried the fertile land
They buried the books in the sand

They lead the zealous without respite
And the zealous cried day and night

A question presented to the chameleon
The questions treated as a rebellion

The questioner killed with ink and paper
Condemned and rendered as a traitor

Follow me for this is the truth, they sighed
The boat that rocked and then capsized

A blaze upon it, started years before
The spark that finally came to the fore

And upon its ashes we sit and wait
For the new king to rise and vacillate

And after the storm comes a cloud
Blocking the sun with its white shroud

We pray and hope for it to clear
But it lingers like our deepest fears

A thought of what may have been
A regret of which we now dream
©2006-2009 ~Jupit3r
:iconjupit3r:

Author's Comments

...

Comments


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:iconabart:
brother :salute:

--
Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value.
:iconjupit3r:
:blush:

--
Think about thinking...
:iconabart:
:D

--
Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value.
:iconasma1390:
this poem has an amazingly strong meter! : |
seriously yaar...
lovvve the alliteration! its thre in almost all the stanzas...
i really admire the idea behind this...
very true and very well-said..
this indeed deserves more thn just a fav! :thumbsup:

--
The wealth and the pride,
The success and the delight;
It’s all until you have died,
That you shall realize,
What the real life is,
In a masquerading disguise.
:icondiamondie:
While the rhythm is nice I think that many of the rhymes sound forced, like the words have been chosen only to complete the rhyme. Some of them were completely weird, like chameleon/rebellion. I don't really know what could be done about them, but I wish the poem had more concrete description and detail. I think the last three stanzas are too bland, the poem just fades away instead of progressing to an end.
:iconjupit3r:
Many of the words have a particular meaning that only people of a particular grouping would relate to. IE the example you mentioned, chameleon/rebellion.

..But thanks for you comments.

--
Think about thinking...
:iconjupit3r:
Jazakallah Kheyr for your comments. I am glad you understand the poem. Unfortunately some non Muslims misunderstand my poems, but such is the situation of our Daar. :)

--
Think about thinking...
:iconasma1390:
i think u've depicted the event in a very clean way...
and yes, the diction is not forced at all...

--
The wealth and the pride,
The success and the delight;
It’s all until you have died,
That you shall realize,
What the real life is,
In a masquerading disguise.
:iconinfragalaxia:
A thought of what may have been
A regret of which we now dream


Says it all..

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March 14, 2006
1.2 KB

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